99% of all self-proclamations are void immediately upon leaving one’s tongue.
Calling oneself smart or cool or funny or humble wholly opposes the essence of such characteristic traits, it is shallow and asinine; akin to listing your mother as a professional reference.
I plan on becoming an avid listener who poses (or doubles) as an avid reader. I’ve always been more auditory than visual and my retention and recall rate is much higher with aural stimuli than visual or tactile ones. I love the idea of reading (who doesn’t?), but I’ve never been one to sit and read for an extended period of time. Everyone knows the benefits and joys of reading, but there are a few things I hate about reading:
- My eyes get tired and I fall asleep
- It is a sedentary activity
- It is time-consuming
- It requires too much visual focus and concentration
- It is boring
I’ve concluded that audiobooks are the way to go for me most of the time. I will still buy books and read in the traditional sense – especially if I happen to enjoy an author’s literary style; since one of the major advantages of traditional reading is the improvement of one’s own writing style and technique. But overall, the content osmosis that takes place by reading or listening should be based on one’s learning style and preference. It’s time we got rid of learning style elitism and prejudice anyway.
The final word should go to blind folks who rely on tactile and aural learning exclusively – they may be blind, but they still read, do they not?
The Saddest Song Ever: Don’t Explain
Artist: Nina Simone or Damien Rice/Lisa Hannigan/Herbie Hancock
Because: if you were in her shoes you wouldn’t know what to do either.
The Happiest Song Ever: Don’t Worry Baby*
Artist: The Beach Boys
Because: it has the greatest first-line melody ever.
The Best Guilty Pleasure Song Ever: Always be my Baby
Artist: Mariah Carey
Because: You and I will always be, You and I.
The Best Recessional Song Ever: Let’s Not Shit Ourselves*
Artist: Bright Eyes
Because: It’s the perfect ending to anything self-servingly important.
The Coolest Song Ever: When the Levee Breaks
Artist: Led Zeppelin
Because: drums this big make everything else so uncool.
The Best Mental Preparation Song for a Contact Sport Ever: Henry Nearly Killed Me
Artist: Ray LaMontagne
Because: just because you knock a man down/doesn’t mean that you got him beat
The Most Soulful Song Ever: For All We Know*
Artist: Donny Hathaway
Because: we’ve all been there to some capacity.
The Most Overlooked Bob Dylan Song Ever: Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright
Artist: Bob Dylan
Because: it’s a perfect little song.
The Most Heartbreaking Song Ever: Lover You Should’ve Come Over
Artist: Jeff Buckley
Because: it’s the sound of a man’s soul dying.
The Most Beautiful Song Ever: Now at Last*
Artist: Feist
Because: we have it all figured out when it’s too late.
*denotes songs currently on the playlist for my funeral
Fortune cookies have a prescient penchant for finding me at times they are most needed. My first day in a new office was eased by cool people and chinese food:
LA is good to me.
Remember the “I am Tiger Woods” commercials? Not too many folks saying that now. Weird.
My appreciation for marriage only increases as I start to age. It’s not so much the companionship or fun (as great as they are), it is the privilege and fortune of being accepted despite my physical decline – having a partner through the slow deterioration of my faculties. Time is cruel and heartless – it helps to have a partner.
If life is a movie, I want Explosions in the Sky to score every minute of it. EPIC.
I’ve been playing the Madden series since I was 11 and I’ve had some incredible franchise seasons (more than 25 19-0 seasons I think), but my latest 2017 season was pretty ace.
None of my players are created players or modified in any way. I draft and trade for real and computer-generated players only and I also don’t manipulate games or seasons to break certain records. I play 5min, unaccelerated quarters on the All Madden level. 2017 was the year it all came together:
Boar Jackson ran for 414yds and 8 TDs in Superbowl 53.
Mario Martinez, my stud OLB had multiple single-game records in 2017
Mario has 285 sacks in 6 seasons and obliterates single sack records
I used to think a lot about the possibility of a parallel universe or a twilight zone where my universe-copy would exist. I concluded that I would be awesome in any universe. That then brought me to ponder complete polar opposite in this life. Who represents the exact opposite of everything I am?
My Polar Opposite - Kate Moss
Why Kate Moss? Because the following quote is a perfect amalgam of everything I don’t believe.
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.
Dunce.
