1. Any time Michael Bolton sings the word ‘baby,’ an actual baby is born in the audience
2. Michael Bolton’s vibrato once knocked Chuck Norris on his ass
3. Michael Bolton can sing in any library in the world
4. Michael Bolton answers the question “how can we be lovers if we can’t be friends?” every night.
5. Michael Bolton’s hair was used to costume all the monsters in the movie, “Where the Wild Things Are”
6. If Satan ever sues Jesus, Michael Bolton will be the judge and jury.
7. Michael Bolton had won 3 Grammy Lifetime Achievement awards by the time he was 3
8. In album sales there is Gold, Platinum, Multi-Platinum, Diamond and Michael Bolton
9. It’s not Maybelline, it’s Michael Bolton
10. Michael Bolton once sang “Soul Provider” in Arizona and it created the Grand Canyon. He hasn’t been back since.
11. Luciano Pavarotti gave up and ate himself to death after he went to a Michael Bolton show
12. When a Man Loves a Woman, it is only with Michael Bolton’s permission
13. Michael Bolton is the reason why Michael Jackson wanted to become white
14. When Helen Keller wakes up she has a Michael Bolton tune in her head
15. Michael Bolton is the Beauty and the Beast
16. Michael Bolton said he loved you, but he lied
17. Guitar Hero was originally supposed to be called “Michael Bolton Hero” but then they realized you can’t even pretend to be Michael Bolton
18. Michael Bolton can touch you there
19. Jesus grew out his hair because he wanted to be like Michael Bolton
20. Jesus wears t-shirts that say “Michael Bolton is my homeboy” and “WWMBD?”
21. The only thing that separates man from the rest of the animal kingdom is Michael Bolton
22. Michael Bolton’s body has no human skin, only denim and chest hair
23. Behind every great man is a great woman. Behind every great woman is Michael Bolton.
24. “How am I Supposed to Live Without You” is a requiem for a world that may one day be without Michael Bolton
25. Michael Bolton is not white or black or any other race, he is music
26. Love is a wonderful thing only because Michael Bolton says it is
27. Neil Armstrong’s actual quote is: “That’s one small step for Michael Bolton, one giant leap for mankind.”
28. The Trinity got together and said “let us make ourselves in the image of Michael Bolton.”
29. Michael Bolton has no critics, only deaf fans
30. Talented angels are said to have the voice of a Michael Bolton
31. The Yankees recruited Michael Bolton for his perfect pitch. He struck out 27 batters anyway.
32. Michael Bolton sang all of Ariel’s parts in the Little Mermaid
33. Most of us have a voice box, Michael Bolton has a voice mansion
34. Michael Bolton can’t use touchscreen devices because he’ll give them orgasms
35. The Richter Scale was developed during an afternoon when Michael Bolton was beatboxing
36. Usain Bolt aspires to run like Michael Bolton’s vocals.
37. The Superbowl is actually the halftime show of a Michael Bolton concert
38. Michael Bolton doesn’t discriminate against gay marriage because love is a wonderful thing
39. The theory of relativity refers to how well someone can sing relative to Michael Bolton
40. Curly fries are just regular fries who want Michael Bolton hair

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