My appreciation for marriage only increases as I start to age. It’s not so much the companionship or fun (as great as they are), it is the privilege and fortune of being accepted despite my physical decline – having a partner through the slow deterioration of my faculties. Time is cruel and heartless – it helps to have a partner.
If life is a movie, I want Explosions in the Sky to score every minute of it. EPIC.
I’ve been playing the Madden series since I was 11 and I’ve had some incredible franchise seasons (more than 25 19-0 seasons I think), but my latest 2017 season was pretty ace.
None of my players are created players or modified in any way. I draft and trade for real and computer-generated players only and I also don’t manipulate games or seasons to break certain records. I play 5min, unaccelerated quarters on the All Madden level. 2017 was the year it all came together:
Boar Jackson ran for 414yds and 8 TDs in Superbowl 53.
Mario Martinez, my stud OLB had multiple single-game records in 2017
Mario has 285 sacks in 6 seasons and obliterates single sack records
I used to think a lot about the possibility of a parallel universe or a twilight zone where my universe-copy would exist. I concluded that I would be awesome in any universe. That then brought me to ponder complete polar opposite in this life. Who represents the exact opposite of everything I am?
My Polar Opposite - Kate Moss
Why Kate Moss? Because the following quote is a perfect amalgam of everything I don’t believe.
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.
Dunce.
- Why in the name of all that is holy do Fall Out Boy have a Greatest Hits album already? Undeserved self-congratulatory nonsense.
- The principle of “dressing up” to go to church is outdated, foolish, and frankly, a bit hypocritical from a judaeo-christian standpoint.
- I have a sneaking suspicion that either art is dead, or I just can’t find it anymore. Both scenarios irritate me.
- Moving cr0ss-country is too expensive and makes me want to sell all my possessions and live in a van [down by the river]
- Why does “possession” need 4 S’s? It can totally be done with 3 with the same effect.
Life is great! I can stop at 5 irritants not withholding much. Life is great.
Not sure why, but I sat at my desk and cracked up at Yo Mama jokes for a good 30 minutes this morning. The following induced belly aches:
Yo mama’s teeth are so yellow, I can’t believe it’s not butter.
Yo mama so fat that when I swerved to miss her, I ran outta gas.
Yo mama so fat they run marathons around her.
Yo mama so fat she needs to iron her pants on the driveway.
Yo mama so fat she’s taller when she’s laying down.
When delivering a Yo Mama joke, never waste your time addressing her thick glasses or cross-eyedness or laziness. Never, ever address her skinniness (e.g. Yo mama so skinny I use her as a toothpick). Always stick with the classics: weight, intelligence and attractiveness.
The grammar of a proper Yo Mama joke is also crucial. Use as few contractions as possible and always end with a period rather than an exclamation point – this denotes a cold, emphatic statement of fact rather than an excitable madman’s rant.
Strangely unsentimental towards this place, but I’ll love it forever. Literally nothing but happy memories built here (except for the crippling depression from May-August 2009 while I reverted back to bachelorhood). Jason reminded me that the first weekend we moved in was the night he locked his keys in his car and had to spend the night on our brand new couch. A convenient little accident. My most profound memory of the place was the 7 days we had our puppy, I bet Eunice feels the same way. I love change.
Fight on, my men, I am hurt, but I am not slain;
I’ll lay me down and bleed a while,
And then I’ll rise and fight again.
First picture ever taken with AcePhone. Newseum of DC. There’s something so strong about that “Act Up” image. Pretty remarkable structure seen up close and in person.
Microblogging makes real blogging feel like a waste of time. A 140-character entries a day does the trick. A few long entries are in the pipeline as soon as I have the courage to post.
This week marks the end of DMV era round 2. Our life is in boxes or bubble wrap. I don’t feel like writing complex sentences this morning. This is probably due to the whole microblogging thing.
Teleworking is God’s gift to productivity.
Every morning I wake up and I desperately need something to read. Is this normal?
I cannot wait for California and the life that waits for us there. It’s nice to be able to see what you want and make it happen. I am a lucky fool. Is it lame and cliche that I hope my musician-aspirations one day come to fruition in LA? Probably.
West Coast wins. Moving there in November. Thanks! Bye!
Today might be the second saddest day of all time as a Redskins fan. November 27, 2007 was the worst and incomparable to anything else related to football, but purely from a sports-fanatics’ standpoint, the morning after losing to an 0-19 team is pretty harsh.
The saddest part is the affirmation of all prior suspicions of suckitude. Scratch that, the saddest part is the utter hopelessness. This team is not under-performing. Bill Parcells said it best: “You are what you are.” We are losers. The whole lot of us, from the owner down to the longsuffering fans who bleed and pray for this team every Sunday. We faced a similar situation back in 2004 when we were all fed up and pissed off. Snyder had one play left and he played it perfectly – bring back Joe Gibbs. Yea, that worked great didn’t it?
Now what? At some point, the fans will stop feeding the beast. My love for my team will never die, but my checking account can and will. Screw you, Daniel M. Snyder.
The Stanley Steemer jingle is stuck in my head because it’s great. The tone of the guitar in the version I heard yesterday is so full and awesome. I heard it twice yesterday and I woke up singing it. Still have no idea what Stanley Steemer steams. Something about carpet cleaner?
It Might Get Loud is awesome. Electric guitars and everything I’ve ever wanted to and have said about them was articulated in the film. Pretty ace. I still maintain it is one of the hardest, coolest instruments in the world because of the tactile experience of it. Can’t bend a piano string as expression.
Monsters of Folk album is ace. If I could be any musician under the age of 30 my answer is still Conor Oberst. Or maybe I could just be the musician I want to be under the age of 30. Interesting. Wish I would’ve thought of this 5 years ago.
BRILLIANT. Combines my favsies: Football and 2-button video game nostalgia
I call DIBS on the following:
Panasonic Lumix DMC-GF1 - Micro Four Thirds DROOOOL
A Kindle 3 - whatever it might look like
So yea, she’s pretty freakin ace! Her debut album is coming in October. Apparently she can sing. She can definitely play. Let’s hope she can write too. Born in 1985, plays like Steve Vai/Santana/EVH. I hope she has something to say!
I’m an equal-opportunity music lover and I can’t stand the kitsch of gender-based standards for artists. The dumbest thing someone can say about a musician is that “so and so is really good… for a girl.” I think she could be really great and definitely someone primed for the big time. If I could draft musicians for some kind of a fantasy musician league, she’d be my 3rd round pick for her keeper-league qualities and unique potential. Yea, it’s definitely football season.
See mang. This kind of thing only happens in LA. sigh.
Happy Anniversary to my best friend, my wife.
Remember MS Paint? It’s not as worthless as I thought. From DeviantArt:
Created with MS Paint!!
Flight of the Conchords clip (not a song). I skip all the songs whenever I watch the show, is that sacrilege?
A man’s ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.
- Listen and tell stories. Stories keep relationships alive, conventional dialogue does not.
- Put the freaking toilet seat down, it’s not a big freaking deal.
- Don’t wear matching outfits – it’s a sign your individuality is completely gone. It also looks retarded.
- Take her advice on what clothes look good on you.
- When buying furniture, agree on a good couch first and the rest will be easy.
- Get a dog and then rethink children.
- Make sure you have interesting co-workers; it helps with the storytelling.
- Whoever cooks does not wash dishes.
- Always take out the garbage.
- Designate one cleaning day per week.
- Allow minimum 2hrs of Man Cave activity per day: Video games, fantasy football, TV, sporting events, listening to music with headphones on, playing guitar, reading Esquire, building stuff, youtube-surfing and brainstorming other Man Cave activities are sacred.
- Hate similar things/people – a shared hatred goes much further than a shared affinity.
- The “Honeymoon Phase” is a myth. Just live.
- Don’t be poor.
- Don’t be a jerk.
*I am not responsible for your unhappiness. Leave my happy marriage alone. Don’t hate.
