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My Keys to a Happy Marriage - 15 Lessons Learned in Year One*
- Listen and tell stories. Stories keep relationships alive, conventional dialogue does not.
- Put the freaking toilet seat down, it’s not a big freaking deal.
- Don’t wear matching outfits - it’s a sign your individuality is completely gone. It also looks retarded.
- Take her advice on what clothes look good on you.
- When buying furniture, agree on a good couch first and the rest will be easy.
- Get a dog and then rethink children.
- Make sure you have interesting co-workers; it helps with the storytelling.
- Whoever cooks does not wash dishes.
- Always take out the garbage.
- Designate one cleaning day per week.
- Allow minimum 2hrs of Man Cave activity per day: Video games, fantasy football, TV, sporting events, listening to music with headphones on, playing guitar, reading Esquire, building stuff, youtube-surfing and brainstorming other Man Cave activities are sacred.
- Hate similar things/people - a shared hatred goes much further than a shared affinity.
- The “Honeymoon Phase” is a myth. Just live.
- Don’t be poor.
- Don’t be a jerk.
*I am not responsible for your unhappiness. Leave my happy marriage alone. Don’t hate.
