The Saddest Song Ever: Don’t Explain
Artist: Nina Simone or Damien Rice/Lisa Hannigan/Herbie Hancock
Because: if you were in her shoes you wouldn’t know what to do either.

The Happiest Song Ever: Don’t Worry Baby*
Artist: The Beach Boys
Because: it has the greatest first-line melody ever.

The Best Guilty Pleasure Song Ever: Always be my Baby
Artist: Mariah Carey
Because: You and I will always be, You and I.

The Best Recessional Song Ever: Let’s Not Shit Ourselves*
Artist: Bright Eyes
Because: It’s the perfect ending to anything self-servingly important.

The Coolest Song Ever: When the Levee Breaks
Artist: Led Zeppelin
Because: drums this big make everything else so uncool.

The Best Mental Preparation Song for a Contact Sport Ever: Henry Nearly Killed Me
Artist: Ray LaMontagne
Because: just because you knock a man down/doesn’t mean that you got him beat

The Most Soulful Song Ever: For All We Know*
Artist: Donny Hathaway
Because: we’ve all been there to some capacity.

The Most Overlooked Bob Dylan Song Ever: Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright
Artist: Bob Dylan
Because: it’s a perfect little song.

The Most Heartbreaking Song Ever: Lover You Should’ve Come Over
Artist: Jeff Buckley
Because: it’s the sound of a man’s soul dying.

The Most Beautiful Song Ever: Now at Last*
Artist: Feist
Because: we have it all figured out when it’s too late.

*denotes songs currently on the playlist for my funeral