22 Navy SEALs among 30 U.S. Troops killed in Afghanistan as NATO helicopter is shot down

This is absolutely tragic. There aren’t enough words or accolades to describe the extraordinary courage and sacrifice of our armed forces, especially when we lose 30 of our finest in one horrific incident. The War on Terror has gone on for nearly 10 years now, and it’s still surreal and sobering any time I hear of soldiers dying; it damn well better stay that way. The death of a soldier should never feel casual or be confused with one’s personal beliefs on war or violence or politics. They deserve better.

A soldier’s life lends itself all too easily to cliche because he is a real life hero. Unfortunately, our limited bank of hero vocabulary has been reduced to over-the-top cliches for the caped euphemisms in our comic books. The words feel empty in real life.

Since the news of OBL’s death, I’ve become mildly obsessed with Navy SEALs; reading accounts of the raid from every major publication and finishing a few great military memoirs along the way (Seal Team Six, Lone Survivor, The Things They Carried). If there’s a common theme to be drawn here, it’s that SEALs are not like you and me. There is an innate determination and resolve that can’t be faked and a sense of duty that is hammered into them through the most brutal training program on earth. These guys live on the edge so someone like me can enjoy a cushy life in the middle. 

It’s been a little over two and half weeks since the chopper was downed in Afghanistan and the world’s moved at a blistering pace since then: Somalia is starving, London riots, rebels liberate Libya, an earthquake shakes the eastern seaboard, Steve Jobs retires, Amy Winehouse did too, in her own way and Bert and Ernie’s sexual orientation remains ambiguous. Albert Haynesworth is a Patriot for god’s sake. August 6 seems like ages ago. It’s too easy to forget nowadays. 

And then I saw this

(photo credit)

That is Hawkeye. He belonged to Petty Officer Jon Tumlinson who was one of the 22 SEALs killed on August 6th. In the middle of Officer Tumlinson’s funeral, Hawkeye walked up to his master’s casket and laid down with a mournful sigh. 

There really isn’t much to say. It’s heart wrenching. It hurts to think about our best coming home in flag-draped caskets and a shame we allow ourselves to move on so quickly. We’ve created an age of perpetual news and narcissism to numb the pain and discomfort of raw emotion. But still, there’s Hawkeye with such purity in his display of grief; there is no politicking, no cry for attention, no agenda.

What must a dog think when he encounters death? It must be such a hopeless sadness. While we two-leggers lean on our collective myths about heaven and hell, a dog is cruelly trapped in a state of consciousness that lives in the moment, but with deeply seeded memories of the past. The dog cannot cope or dwell or even deny; he mourns in bewilderment, lies down with a heavy sigh and eventually follows his new master home. But he never forgets. Nor should we. 

Central Command confirms 6,194 U.S. casualties in Iraq and Afghanistan since 2003. 2,292 soldiers under the age of 22. 4,439 under the age of 28. The world is a terrible place sometimes. Take time to remember. Don’t buy into the asinine notion that “the best thing we can do is move on with our lives and do the things we enjoy.” Fuck you if you believe that. Soldiers don’t die so you can play golf and jerk off. They deserve our time and remembrance. Learn about them, thank them, remember them. Sing, write, dedicate. Do something. Read this. By all means take a minute of self-reflection to be thankful and mindful of how amazing we have it.

And if you pray, then pray for their families and their friends and their souls. Pray for their dogs and that we may be more like them.

Last night my wife and I were debating what position Madden would play on a football team. Then I got carried away thinking about who his teammates would be and spent the next few hours toiling over a roster. My wife moved on with her life. I love dogs. I love football. So, without further ado:

The Ultimate K9 Football Team
OFFENSE

Quarterback - Labrador Retriever
NFL doppelgänger: Peyton Manning 
The All-American. Highly intelligent breed with a passably athletic build and a winning personality. He’s already the most popular dog in the country. It all starts with the quarterback and I want someone steady and poised. A sure bet.

Running Back - German Shepherd
NFL doppelgänger: Walter Payton
There’s speed, there’s power, add in some ferocity and you’ve got yourself Sweetness. This was by far the toughest position to fill considering some dogs are built for speed, and others for power. In the end, the German Shepherd wins the job for his dedication to following orders: take the ball and score. Nothing can stop him.

Fullback - Bull Terrier
NFL doppelgänger: Mike Alstott
He may be stout and slightly undersized, but this dude is built to terrorize anything within 3 yards. Just look at his body, he can only move forward. It’s an under appreciated breed, typecast for its endorsements, but when I need something plowed over, the Bull Terrier will get the job done.

Left Tackle - St. Bernard
NFL doppelgänger: Jonathan Ogden
The big boy. The loyal protector of the franchise and anchor of the offensive line. He’s a gentle giant only cuz no one dares mess with him.

Left Guard - Shar Pei
NFL doppelgänger: Russ Grimm
Here come the wrinkly hogs. The Shar Pei was bred as a palace guard. Stocky, but maintains great economy of movement - perfect for pulling on those counter runs.

Center - Bull Mastiff
NFL doppelgänger: Nick Mangold
Big, smart and mean, that’s what you want. A dog who will fight to the death, but keeps it under control for the team. Also, doesn’t seem to mind having a labrador retriever touching his ass.  

Right Guard - Bloodhound
NFL doppelgänger: Leonard Davis
He may look lazy and slow (cuz he is), but the bloodhound is keenly observant and remembers everything - exactly what I want in a guard. He’ll sniff out the blitz every time.  

Right Tackle - Dogue de Bordeaux
NFL doppelgänger: David Stewart
He’s big and powerful with great balance. The Dogue de Bordeaux could probably play on either side of the ball. He’s got the athleticism to play tackle and a no nonsense attitude to go with his no nonsense look. 

Tight End - Scottish Deerhound
NFL doppelgänger: Tony Gonzalez
The flashiest hybrid position is fitting for the most recent winner of the Westminster Dog Show. Size, speed and an impressive wingspan. Something tells me he’s got hops too. 

Wide Receiver - Greyhound
NFL doppelgänger: Randy Moss
Was there ever any question? You put the tall, fast guys on the edges and let em run. The Greyhound is the fastest dog on the planet and he’s got more than enough diva quality for the position too.

Wide Receiver - Weimaraner
NFL doppelgänger: Andre Johnson
Still fast, still deadly, but more of an underrated possession receiver. The Weimaraner is sleek and quiet, but there’s plenty going on upstairs. Really high awareness ratings on this guy.

DEFENSE

Defensive End - Pitbull
NFL doppelgänger: Deacon Jones 
Not to perpetuate an unfair stereotype, but a Pitbull can get nasty if you let him. His reputation precedes him and strikes fear in every opponent. He’s the guy who gets his own corner in the locker room and his own edge on the field.

Defensive Tackle - Rottweiler
NFL doppelgänger: Warren Sapp
Big and nasty with a bad reputation for good reason. The Rottweiler does not give a damn who you are or what you do, he’s comin to get his. QBKILLA

Defensive Tackle - Cane Corso
NFL doppelgänger: John Randle
He’s got a loud bark and the muscles to back it up. The Cane Corso is gangsta and looks completely uncontrollable. Seriously, avoid eye contact.

Defensive End - Boxer
NFL doppelgänger: Bruce Smith
The technician. A dog with solid fundamentals and an understanding of how to use his body to get what he wants. The Boxer is quiet, tough and hardy - can’t ask for anything more from a D.E. 

Outside Linebacker - Alaskan Malamute
NFL doppelgänger: Junior Seau
A true athlete with surprising strength and speed. The Malamute looks like a ball of fluff but he’s all muscle underneath. Excellent with orders and I trust him to contain whatever comes out of the backfield. 

Middle Linebacker - English Bulldog
NFL doppelgänger: Mike Singletary
Ok, more than a little biased here, but hear me out. For an inside linebacker in a 4-3 defense, tenacity and tackling ability are much more important than size and speed. The bulldog is built tough, can squeeze into the A gap unnoticed and most importantly, will never ever give up on a play. Plus, he’s my son and he gets to start cuz he’s special.

Outside Linebacker - Siberian Husky
NFL doppelgänger: Lawrence Taylor
Is it a dog or is it wolf? He seems a bit unstable and more than a bit wild; he looks like he might revert back to whatever species it was he evolved from. The Siberian Husky has seen some rough shit (in Siberia, duh) and he’s an intimidating physical specimen. He’ll play just fine in space.

Cornerback - Pointer
NFL doppelgänger: Rod Woodson
The ball hawk. Once the Pointer has the ball in his sights/nostrils, it’s over. The Pointer has excellent hands and a great motor, but lacks the speed to play offense. He makes up for it by sticking to receivers like the loyal hunting dog he is. 

Free Safety - Dalmatian
NFL doppelgänger: Ed Reed
Everyone knows the Dalmation, but few appreciate how special he is. Fast, athletic and easily trained, the Dalmation is extremely obedient but unafraid to improvise when the situation is right. He stalks the entire field and is well-suited to be the last defender.

Strong Safety - Bernese Mountain Dog
NFL doppelgänger: Troy Polamalu
Strong and sturdy up front with sound fundamentals, the Bernese Mountain Dog can play up with the front 7 or play back in coverage with ease. His territorial qualities make him an ideal zone coverage safety. Also, big hair.

Cornerback - Doberman Pinscher
NFL doppelgänger: Deion Sanders
Go ahead, look at him -that’s what he wants. Have you ever seen a Doberman that wasn’t shiny and sharp? The Doberman is fast and ferocious and the most likely member of the team to appear in a Snoop Dogg video. 

Kicker - Australian Cattle Dog
NFL doppelgänger: Morton Andersen
The specialist. He can do one thing and one thing only. Don’t ask him to tackle or throw or catch, just ask him to do his one job and the Cattle Dog will do it obsessively. He’s used to being with the guys without really being one of the guys.

Punter - Schnauzer
NFL doppelgänger: Jeff Feagles
Ok, punters are a little… different. They do their own thing, never have the opportunity to singlehandedly win a game (though they can lose it) and usually play in the league until they’re old enough to grow massive schnauzer-like gray beards. 

Head Coach - Border Collie
NFL doppelgänger: Bill Walsh
The mastermind. Too small to play, but smart enough to teach everyone else how. The Border Collie knows the rules better than anyone else and has just enough crazy eye to suggest he did nothing but gameplan and scheme all night. He’s definitely a players’ coach and he’s got a bit of the Al Pacino in Any Given Sunday thing going. 

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a lion, a tiger, and a bear chillin. go ahead, say it. 

Made my day: The 30 Most Important Dogs of 2010

This is still happening. The oil gusher does not stop for breaks or naps or commercials. More pictures here: BP Oil Spill

Hey Everybody I Know, 
Let’s all try this together, eh? For serious.  

All feelings towards animals and/or Michael Vick aside, the issue of NFL reinstatement should be an objective question of ethics and principle.  Vick undeniably deserves the opportunity to be happy and he is now FREE to pursue happiness in any way he chooses as a law-abiding citizen. Playing in the NFL is not a God-given right by any means and the Commish has the right deny anyone the privilege, with good reason.

Michael Vick did not make a mistake, he lived a life of crime for several years, willfully hiding his activities and knowingly disobeying state/federal laws.Vick deliberately led a life of criminal activity engaging in despicably sadistic behavior, and while he may show adequate remorse after being convicted, sentenced and upon release, it does not entitle him to a second chance with the NFL. Precedence in this case is moot: the NFL’s leniency with other formerly convicted players are legitimate examples of hypocrisy in the league, but it was also under a different governing regime. Moreover, Leonard Little, Sean Taylor, Randy Moss and the like, are all examples of players who made terrible mistakes due to negligence and irresponsibility. There may have even been a pattern of reprehensible negligence in those players’ lives, but even this is a lesser offense than a life of premeditated cruel and inhumane treatment of living creatures that spanned a course of several years.

Vick apologists often choose to focus on the cultural heritage of dogfighting in the south or diminish the gravity of the crime due to the fact that a dog’s life is less valuable than a human’s. Neither are legitimate excuses in the eyes of the law. In no other industry can one be convicted of a crime, spend time in prison and come out expecting to be re-hired by his former employer. Vick has rightfully served his time, paid his debt to society and now he is free to live his life as any other American does. He is free to play football anywhere else in the world, in any league that’ll have him, this is a ban from the NFL, not football or professional athletics. I would be open to an “earn-your-way-back” route to the the NFL that includes significant drawbacks in salary, incentives and endorsements. Akin to a disgraced CEO being re-hired as a janitor - stay on the straight and narrow and hustle your way back to the top floor.

If I were commissioner, I’d be a total hardass. Playing in the NFL is one of the highest privileges awarded the world’s best football players and consequently, NFL players should be held to the highest standard of conduct: not because they are role models, not because they are talented, but because they are privileged enough to be part of one of the most prestigious sports enterprises in the world.

I love Michael Vick. I love dogs. I love the NFL. I love the Washington Redskins (racist name, see below). Grace and peace to all.

2 gangster dolphin stories this month:


Thousands of dolphins block Somali terrorists from attacking Chinese merchant ships


Rare Snubfin dolphins spit jets of water to round up their prey

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Yes, it’s true, I regularly google dolphin stories.
Yes, it’s true, I still want to be a professional dolphin trainer.
Yes, it’s true, I love dolphins.

CANBERRA (Reuters) – Dolphins are the chefs of the seas, having been seen going through precise and elaborate preparations to rid cuttlefish of ink and bone to produce a soft meal of calamari, Australian scientists say.

A wild female Indo-Pacific bottlenose dolphin was observed going through the same series of complicated steps to prepare cuttlefish prey for eating in the Spencer Gulf, in South Australia state.

“It’s a sign of how well their brains are developed. It’s a pretty clever way to get pure calamari without all the horrible bits,” Mark Norman, the curator of mollusks at Museum Victoria and a research team member, told the Canberra Times newspaper.

The research team, writing in the science journal PLoS One, said they repeatedly observed a female dolphin herding cuttlefish out of algal weed and onto a clear, sandy patch of seafloor.

The dolphin, identified using circular body scars, then pinned the cuttlefish with its snout while standing on its head, before killing it instantly with a rapid downward thrust and “loud click” audible to divers as the hard cuttlebone broke.

The dolphin then lifted the body up and beat it with her nose to drain the toxic black ink that cuttlefish squirt into the water to defend themselves when attacked.

Next the prey was taken back to the seafloor, where the dolphin scraped it along the sand to strip out the cuttlebone, making the cuttlefish soft for eating.

Norman and study co-author Tom Tregenza, from the University of Exeter, said the behavior exhibited between 2003 and 2007 was unlikely to be a rarity.

“In addition to our observations, individual bottlenose dolphins feeding at these cuttlefish spawning grounds have been observed by divers in the area to perform the same behavioral sequence,” they said in the study.

“The feeding behavior reported here is specifically adapted to a single prey type and represents impressive behavioral flexibility for a non-primate animal.”

A separate 2005 study provided the first sign dolphins may be capable of group learning and using tools, with a mother seen teaching her daughters to break off sea sponges and wear them as protection while scouring the seafloor in Western Australia.

The mammals used the sponges “as a kind of glove” while searching for food, University of Zurich researcher Michael Krutzen told New Scientist magazine.

Other researchers have observed dolphins removing the spines from flathead fish prey and breaking meter-long Golden Trevally fish into smaller pieces for eating.