I’ve had a nagging prick of conscience lately about eating meat. The more time I spend with my dog the harder it is for me to justify killing any sentient animal just so I can eat it with french fries. My dog has thoughts. Like, real thoughts, beyond the instincts of eating and shitting and sleeping. He calculates and plans. He has empathy. He carries a spectrum of ‘feelings’ from joy to depression. He knows he’s alive. In principle, there is no difference between my bulldog, a cow, a chicken or a pig. I simply view one as my flesh and blood child and the others simply as flesh and blood - this definitely doesn’t sit right in my mind.

The culture of meat in this country is overwhelming (and delicious). There are too many disgusting accounts of the meat and poultry industries and it makes me gag to think about it. But I think I have a deeper problem than ‘how’ the animals are raised and slaughtered, it’s the ‘why’ that keeps nagging at me. I believe in the food chain, the harvest, hunting and gathering and pigs on spits at luaus. I understand the evolutionary importance of our ability to kill for sustenance, but it still feels wrong to raise an animal just so I can eat it later. It just doesn’t seem right. But then again, this whole concept of “right and wrong” doesn’t exist in nature. If we’re all just animals we can go and hunt and slaughter whatever the hell we want. Nature truly doesn’t give a fuck. The great irony here is that my dog only eats food made from organic, farm-raised Canadian salmon. So make of that what you will.

When it comes down to it, meat is an addiction. I know in my mind that I disagree with it, but I do it anyway. I’m addicted. I mean, really, what am I gonna do? Eat a tofu burger on Independence Day? Never. Well, maybe. One day. Don’t hold me to it. Probably not. Forget I said anything. And don’t tell my wife. But really, I don’t know what to do. Try the weekday vegetarian thing? Only eat organic, humanely raised, grass-fed animals? Only eat non-sentient animals like fish and shrimp? Just never eat anything good and die? God I could go for some fried chicken right now. 

I try to stay away from ranting vegans and zealot eco-freaks on issues like this, so I started reading Melanie Joy’s book, Why We Love Dogs, Eat Pigs and Wear Cows: An Introduction to Carnism. Seriously, social psychology can explain everything in 3 minutes (sociology majors unite!). 

Also, read a great interview with the author in Good Magazine:

“When you’re born into this dominant, carnistic culture, you inevitably absorb the system’s logic as your own. In other words, we learn to see the world through the lens of carnism. Carnism conditions us to disconnect psychologically and emotionally from the truth of our experience when we eat meat (and other animal products). It allows us to disconnect the meat on our plate from the living being it once was. When people sit down to a plate of beef stew, they’re not thinking about the cow that it came from. They’re not saying, “I’m eating a dead animal.” They’re saying, “I’m eating food,” and therefore they’re feeling no disgust. However, if that same person were fed a guinea pig or swan, they would likely not be able to help but envision a living being, and feel repulsed eating that animal.”

And yes, I recognize the flip-flop I’m doing here considering things I’ve written in the past. That was fun to write and I love flip-flops.

Very important PSA on not looking like an idiot at fine sushi establishments. 

In the contiguous United States, one is never more than 115 miles away from a McDonalds. That’s a lot of fu*king Big Macs.

Cool.

Photo by Tatiana Khlopkova via ffffound

(Source: photojojo)

There’s only one thing that can cheer me up today: Good old fashioned soda.
Galco’s Soda Pop Stop. Just down the street from me! Thank you interwebs.

Hey Everybody I Know, 
Let’s all try this together, eh? For serious.  

One Rockstar Energy drink is sugar equivalent to eating half a dozen krispy kreme donuts.

One 20oz bottle of Sobe Green Tea = half a Sara Lee Cherry Pie.

One large Chocolate Shake from McDonalds is the sugar equivalent of 13 baked apple pies. 13. 

A Venti Starbucks Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha with Whipped Cream is the same sugar content as 8.5 scoops of Edy’s Rich and Creamy Coffee Ice Cream. 8.5 scoops!!!

Check out this blog showing the most harmful drinks in America. 

Originally published in The Compass Magazine, May 2008:

My Beef with Vegetarians

It’s a tough life being engaged to a Vegetarian. I never thought I’d be in such a situation – waiting for my fiancée to finish ordering her “Texas Roadhouse BBQ burger with extra Cheddar cheese, mushrooms, onions, tomatoes, lettuce, and ‘can you take out the meat and just put extra lettuce in, please?’” Potential 5-star meals drop to a measly 2-star affair when the main course protein is removed. It’s also a great feeling when the incredulous server at L.A.’s finest steakhouse looks at me in disbelief asking why I’d bring a nice vegetarian girl to a chophouse. To me, vegetarianism is a land of mashed potatoes, French fries, bread, soups and salads. Some call it Naturalist dining, others say it’s the true-Organic way; call it what you will, but there is nothing natural about soybean curd processed to look like a chicken nugget. It’s laughable the extent to which Veggie-meat manufacturers will go to produce artificial food that attempts to look, smell and taste like the real thing – at least it looks real. I suppose, “to each, his own” very readily applies to this topic, but this is not an essay on taste or preference.

In this fascinating issue about vegetarianism I’d like to raise two simple questions and let the discussions rage:

1) Why can’t vegetarians follow the rule of moderation with meat?

“Well, because they are vegetarians.” Brilliant! It is my assertion that the “Vegetarian” title leads to a nonnegotiable state of living that unfairly rejects all things un-veggie. I may be a voracious carnivore, but even still, I am vegetarian for about 22-hours-a-day; I just happen to regularly break my vegetarianism (v-ism) around 12:00 and 6:00 PM everyday. Is that so wrong? The notion of all-or-nothing v-ism is a source of great curiosity to me. In life, what role do I truly embody all-day everyday? Other than being a faithful [future] spouse, I can’t think of much else. Job titles are a 9-5 affair, church roles are relegated to weekends, and sports team affiliations are a more of a mindset than a lifestyle. It seems some are bound to the title more than the principle of healthy living and I call them out: Shallow Vegetarians come forth. Many of the “Vegetarians” I know crave meat; I know this because they tell me. Does a rabbit crave buffalo wings? Do cows dream of eating brontosaurus? I guess we’ll never know the true heart and intention behind a creature’s eating habits. I used to wonder why my Vegetarian friends frequently crave Buffalo wings. Some have gone their entire lives without the taste of animal flesh on their tongues and yet, Wings and Kalbi are probably the most common breaking points for Vegetarian “backsliders.” Curious as to why? Because they are amazingly delicious - don’t feel guilty, feel good. Indulge once in a while and resume your v-ism after dinner, I’ll still tell everyone you’re vegetarian.

2) Why do Vegetarians always feel the need to convert others to vegetarianism and why are they so excited when this happens?

I followed the doctrine of all-or-nothing vegetarianism for about 6 months when I was in middle school after being convinced by several vegetarian role models (Vege-Roles) that meat was unhealthy and evil (they are no longer my role models for several reasons, the sum of which is their beliefs about meat). The elation that poured out of their hearts upon my decision to give my life to Vegetarianism is unparalleled to this day. Nobody has ever been happier or more excited for me than my Vege-Roles the day I ate my last cheeseburger. Ironically, I backslid on a cheeseburger six months later, and have been backsliding ever since – my heels are numb at this point. But the start of my vegetarianism was like entry into an exclusive club of like-minded people, each with fascinating stories. Some had been vegetarian since birth and raised in the life, others had given up a meat-lovers diet and sacrificed many a barbecue in the name of v-ism. Oddly enough, I found myself touting the benefits of vegetarianism to my friends too. I thought I felt lighter and cleaner, more alert even ( although I soon realized I was on edge due to my frequent cravings). Nonetheless, I did my best to convert others, only to give-in to the other side just a few months later. My breaking point came after meeting a vegan, she put my shallow vegetarianism a shame: “Eggs? You eat eggs?!”. A vegetarian can never win.

It is ultimately a question of principle or preference? I lack the authority to cite our church’s well-publicized history with dietary laws and “the health message,” and so, once again, I find myself only able and willing to speak for myself. In my opinion, if I may speak on my behalf, meat is awesome.

I can say with a degree of certainty that I will probably never be a 24/7/365 vegetarian. It’s a needlessly difficult lifestyle for me, and meat is much too awesome. Veggie-meat is gag-inducing for me at times when I think of the poor soybeans getting plucked from the ground and emulsified with wheat gluten to make “Sam’s Chik’N.” As long as I am a responsible consumer and eat based on healthy, balanced principles, isn’t that good enough?

In any case, if I am what I eat, I’d rather be the real thing than a fake anyway.

This is my new national anthem

Those who REALLY know me and my neurotic need to keep fingers clean while eating need to buy me this:

Russian Cake Art - click to see more

“Fake!” I says, “Fake!”

E and I diligently signed up for the alleged “million subs” giveaway email list at quiznos.com yesterday and happily printed our coupons a few hours ago.

We walk into Quiznos store #2129
Mid-Pike Plaza
11802D Rockville Pike
Rockville, MD 20852 

Only to find:


[caption id=”attachment_435” align=”aligncenter” width=”500” caption=”LIES! FRAUDS! FAKES!”][/caption]

The cashier-girl is sitting at one of the dining room tables hamming it up with her gentleman friend. There are no workers to be seen behind the counter. I ask distracted cashier-girl what’s going on with the coupons she says, “the best we can do is give you $2 off.”  THAT’S WHACK!
Take what you can get right? There’s a reason why the NO COUPONS SIGN is posted inside the restaurant and not on the glass door.

The two sandwich makers are rude.

Upon checkout, cashier-girl forgets she offered a $2.00 discount. I remind her that we have coupons, she scans one and gives us $1.00 off and claims it’s only one discount coupon per purchase. I suppose I could have made a fuss and separated our sandwiches to make two transactions at this point, but I didn’t want to keep her from her gentleman visitor any longer, she was clearly irritated with the concept of customers in her workplace.

Of course, E. called Quiznos customer service - no answer. Call Quiznos customer service if you want to listen to an automated voice leading to an automated directory of extension numbers to strangers.

DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME SIGNING UP AND CANCELING YOUR QUIZNOS EMAIL.
DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME PRINTING YOUR “FREE SUB” COUPON.
DON’T EAT QUIZNOS.

Images from my current blog favsies: This Is Why You’re Fat

[caption id=”” align=”alignnone” width=”300” caption=”Monster Oreo”][/caption]

[caption id=”” align=”alignnone” width=”300” caption=”hotdog on a stick encased with fries”][/caption]

[caption id=”” align=”alignnone” width=”350” caption=”In-n-Out 100x100 Burger”][/caption]

[caption id=”” align=”alignnone” width=”350” caption=”Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburgers”][/caption]

[caption id=”” align=”alignnone” width=”350” caption=”Snack Stadium - Chips and Dip”][/caption]